Whats the sense behind a friendship nowadays ? How big is the value ? And what are we willing to do for it ?
I always thought to be a great friend, reliable, faithful and always available .. and that there is nothing that can change that fact. Here I have to admit that I dont have many close friends. The closest friend is thousands of miles away and we know each other since we are around 3 years old.. and even though we have both our lifes and sometimes not hearing from each other for years, when we do.. its always like the time stopped completely.. and we are still 12 or 14 years old.. hanging out and listening to weird music like the Backstreet boys ... And no matter for how long she already left, I miss her still so much, especially when im not able to handle my thoughts or when im bringing myself in situations i cant get out.
I'm aware that such friendships are kinda rare..and other friends couldnt never take the same status she has in my life. For so many years. But I got lucky to meet another person who was able to get the same place, the same status and maybe even a little bit more.
A person I could share everything with after a short period. A person i could fight with again and again and always getting together. A person i got also strong feelings for..after a short time. and they didnt change over the months and year. A person i was always afraid to lose because of certain circumstances.. the person i gave the promise that I would never leave, too, no matter what.. the person I kicked out of my life lately because i wasnt able to handle it. And the person that I would need the most in my life at the moment.
And here there is this question again.. whats the sense behind friendship ? When ur able to leave so easily because of trivial feelings .. how come you can abandon someone in an instant..and how come you do so and you feel so foolish and lost at the same time. And then there is that pride.. the stubbornness.. you want to apologize and trying to get over anything and to concentrate on the main thing, which is: the person and the relation you have .. but there is that pride...that little voice, telling you that you can't step back, because you are hurt .. because the other part cared not enough.. and that you are the only one who cared over the months.. that evil feeling preventing you to go and say: I'm sorry and I need you in my life, because you make me feel complete and you are and were always there when I needed someone to lean on .. but that feeling.. the little devil on your shoulder, is able to block you completely..and to break promises..
Will we be able to get over it.. to make that hard step ahead and to admit our mistakes.. Or will we continue like that and lose one of the people who mean the world for you. I hope I will be able to get rif of my pride.. the false one..