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Here I am ...

...yes, and here I am again..after dunno.. 4 .. 5 or 6 years ? A long time actually.. but I guess that things didnt change that much with years..Maybe you get more mature.. you see things with different eyes.. but hey, is it really like that ?

The wish to have a blog again is nothing new and today I got inspired, reading the old blog of a friend.. yes, its overly sad that you stopped blogging.. believe me, you've talent .. but since he is still looking for a good reason to continue with the blog, I'm a step ahead.. the reason is clear.. writing down things that bother you will make your mind free.. sure you can write it in a diary... or you can share it by texting a friend. There are different ways for sure .. I chosed this one.. for the moment.. for a short period maybe.

Today I was thinking about character treats and especially about mine.. I use to make people believe that I'm kinda simple and easy going.. not a rlly complex person. I figured out thats like hiding behind something I'm not at all. In reality im overly sensitive, demanding, stubborn as hell, easily hurt and easily mad .. The reason for my little "brain-storming" was a situation this morning. Getting hurt because you were kinda expecting something that didnt happen.. There is that saying: Never expect anything from anyone - just from yourself.. and the other saying: Everyone is going to hurt you - you have just to figure out whos worth suffering for.. 
The sayings are overly true.. both of them are.. To come back to the first one.. yes I am too caring..and too nice and show the people I love how much I do.. maybe I should change the way of thinking and stop being always here for everyone.. and figuring out that mostly exactly those people are not here for me when i need them. Thats the challenge and the question I should think about more deeply during the next days..

On the other hand i realized that there are wonderful people outside who care alot about me. So maybe the secret is to stop expecting things from people around you and start seeing what you receive already.. But its a human problem somehow, then:
We are losing diamonds while we are too busy collecting stones ! 

Good night...
22.5.11 16:25


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